Posts by Scott:
Last week, I went out late one evening to to buy a bow and arrow set for Teja’s Halloween costume. Our would-be Artemis (the Greek Goddess, not the fictional Irish mastermind) was still waiting for her godly bow via mail-order, and drastic measures were required.
I ended up at Toys R Us in Alhambra and after wandering among the broken boxes and rows and rows of seizure-inducing colors, found the only bow and arrow set in the store: a Disney Princess Brave Merida Bow & Arrow Set from the film Brave. It was a terrible, overpriced choice, but it was late and I wasn’t going to search any other place to find a substitute.
The bow itself really wasn’t really the problem. It’s a mostly useless, mauve piece of plastic tied with a limp string that will spend its short life terrorizing a handful of windows with one of its three suction-cup arrows, as long as the windows are less than three feet away and the bow is in a good mood.
The problem was I wasn’t really happy to make a pitch-hit purchase of a crappy bow and arrow set because the other crappy bow and arrow set I had ordered had decided to come ground mail instead of overnight. But there I was, at 7:30 on a Tuesday night in a Toys R Us.
However, what was amazing was when I got the receipt for my payment. I had bought one item for $24 and the cashier handed me a rolled stack of paper which looked roughly as long as the EEG of some sick, old person on a pacemaker.
This is what the receipt comprised top to bottom (by inches):
3 1/2 Inches: Survey Request FOR A CHANCE TO WIN $500!
Ok, maybe for some people this sounds like Nirvana, but the idea of allowing my kids to roam Toys R Us with a $500 gift certificate is enough to make me want to smother myself to death under a mountain of adorable, plush teddy bears.
5 Inches: Actual Receipt.
Yay, I knew it was in there somewhere!
Also, included in the receipt are handy links to product safety and recall info, how to become a Toys R Us “team member” (so you can job slightly more enjoyable than “cafeteria lunch-room monitor”), and the opportunity to have Toys R Us deals txt’d directly to your phone (“OMG my brain exploded! There is a sale on Wreck-it Ralph 8-bit Action Figures!”)
4 1/4 Inches: Gift Receipt.
Well, yeah, probably not a bad idea. It is a toy, and God knows I don’t really want to own a Disney Princess Brave Merida Bow & Arrow Set from Brave and so, yeah, well played, Toys R Us.
6 inches: COUPON: Save 20% on ONE regular-priced baby item
Yay, baby items! Granted it’s a toy store, but the gift I bought was for a child who is 8yrs old. Isn’t it a bit presumptive to assume I have a baby at home. Do you know something I don’t, Toys R Us?
6 inches: COUPON: SAVE $20 on ANY TWO Pampers (88-ct. or higher) or Huggies (100-ct. or higher) value boxes of diapers
Thank you, no. My household has been diaper-free for 6 years at this point, though possibly not for much longer if I don’t do my Kegel exercises everyday like my doctor told me I needed to.
6 inches: COUPON: SAVE $5 on ANY TWO powder formulas (22-oz or larger)
You can get protein shakes at Toys R Us? Awesome!
6 inches: COUPON: Save 20% on ONE regular-priced baby item
Um, I think we covered this before. But, if I’m getting TWO coupons for ONE regular-priced baby items, does that mean I get ONE regular-priced baby item for 40% off, or TWO regular-priced baby items for 20% off each? I mean, you never know when a color-coated selection of binkies will come in handy.
3 1/2 inches: PROMOTION: BUY 2 GET 3RD FREE ALL baby wash, lotion, shampoo, oil, powder and diaper rash items.
Well, you can never get enough “diaper rash items” in my book.
This is Part 2 of a my experiences with Poison Oak. Go here to read Part 1. I sat on the examination table in the dermatologist office. The doctor stood over my lower right leg, which looked like it had been set on fire in the waiting room. My inside ankle up to mid-calf [...]
On Labor Day weekend, K, the girls and I were invited to a friend’s cabin in Big Sur for what turned out to be a fantastic weekend of hiking, beaches, campfires, and general unplugged-ness. From the cabin we could see the ocean, the mountains, a small creek that was fed by the property’s spring and [...]
How many times have you thought, “wouldn’t it be great to [insert monumentally complicated project]. I think my life’s ambition would be fulfilled if I could do [monumentally complicated project]. Why can’t I find the time for this?” I’ve noticed recently that I have a list of potential projects and ideas that I would like [...]
When I was a kid, my father had a temper. For a lot of reasons that I really didn’t get a gist of until I was much older, he could grow angry at people, pets, objects and me. The reasons were never very important, as most reasons aren’t, but my father spent a lot of [...]
As of this morning, I now have a middle schooler. Alexa (the Big One) started school at South Pasadena Middle School with about 300 other 6th graders, which will probably be one of the craziest and most enlightening days of her life. I think she’ll be fine. I’m not so sure about myself, though. As [...]
Monday morning started out the usual way with the frantic rushing to get the girls to school. I was emptying the dishwasher while K was making lunches. The girls were upstairs, hopefully getting dressed. There were 23 minutes till K and the girls needed to be out the door, go go go, THIS IS NOT [...]
I find myself wondering about balance a lot recently. I think we all do. It’s part of the modern condition, with the constant expectations and demands on our time. We all talk longingly about achieving balance. However, now that I come to think about it, I’m sure people through the ages have always thought about [...]
When I was in college, my mother lived in Oak Park, IL not far from Lake Ave, a walking district filled with retail shops and restaurants. One place in particular that I loved was Barbara’s Bookstore which was a block down from the entrance to the Green Line Metro. Barbara’s wasn’t a small bookshop but [...]